Thanksgiving morning 2009

Ok first off there will be some pretty strong language in this note, so if you are easily offended or under the age of 18 STOP reading now.

I woke up in an excellent mood today, ready for a great holiday and glorious meal that will all but destroy my diet. Oh well, such is life and I am happy with life at the moment. While trying to decide if I really wanted to go up to Rose Hill and eat breakfast and reflect my brother, Joe, let me know we need a few things for meal prep still and asked if I was going out if I wouldn't mind picking them up. Of course I didn't mind, so off to the Kroger I went.

When I got to Kroger the parking lot was packed, as I expected it would be, but I was feeling chipper so i didn't let the crowd get to me and I headed on in. I needed aluminum foil, some sodas for our guests, tea for me and some dog food. Hell if I am eating good then the babies are eating good so I got them some treats too, I love me some Spike and Missy. Next i decided to grab some sweet rolls from the bakery for Joe, Sarah and I to munch on while preparing dinner today, those rolls looked absolutely delicious I couldn't wait to get them home.

Now, with all my goodies loaded up I head to the checkouts and as expected the lines are freaking packed. Fuggit, I am in no hurry so I pick one and wait my turn. Things were sailing right along and I patiently waited till the guy in front of me placed his stuff on the conveyor and put the little divider up and then I started placing my order up to be checked out next.

Ok, here is where it goes awry, those of you that know me know I have a FEW quirks...don't touch me needlessly and don't touch my food EVER. I also have a certain way I like to put my groceries on the line for checkout usually with breads, produce and soft products last so they are bagged last and don't get squished. That is not unreasonable, to my mind.

Anyway all my things loaded up, I place the divider behind my order for the guy behind me to start placing his groceries up. On the what I would guess is a 6 foot conveyor my groceries are taking up maybe 2 feet. Well, as the attractive young girl (with blue in her hair, God I love blue hair) starts ringing in my order I look back and the asscrack mother of trash behind me is picking through my shit and piling it all up so he can make more room for his stuff.

Yeah, I didn't take it well and MAYBE just maybe I overreacted but here is how it went down from there.

"Excuse me, would you mind not handling my shit? I really don't want flattened sweet rolls because you need to cram your fruit loops on the line." I said in what might have possibly been a hostile tone.

"Huh?" The moron asked. I should point out now that I was in full Bama regalia(hoodie and hat) and the dog licking bitch boy was wearing UGA gear...this couldn't have went well.

"My fucking food, in your filthy mitts, could you please stop touching it. I don't really want you piling shit on top of my sweet rolls, because I, in fact, want sweet ROLLS not fucking pancakes." I somewhat perturbedly stated.

"Man, you got a potty mouth, chill out" I was informed by the mental giant.

"Really? I am about to have a potty-fucking-fist when I shove it through your shit-fucking head. Now, de-paw my motherfucking sweet rolls asshat." I advised in a less than cordial tone.

At this point he set my stuff down and shut up, and refused to make further eye contact, and the blue haired cashier who had never even batted an eye had just kept on ringing my order and simply smiled and asked how I was doing.

"I am doing great, how are you?" I replied completely calm as if nothing strange was going on.

I was still steamed but I wanted this asshat behind me to think I'd drop him and walk away without ever thinking about him again, so nonchalance was key here. I finished my transaction, place my bags back into my cart and told the cashier to have a happy Thanksgiving. I then turned to numbnuts behind me and said "Roll Tide Motherfucker" and walked out the door, smiling.

I was still so ill, I had forgotten why I bought sweet rolls and stopped in the Sonic drive in on the way home and bought us all breakfast. Oh well, those rolls will be awesome tomorrow morning I guess.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!