So I get done grocery shopping at my local Kroger and as I am in the parking lot loading up my haul this old dude in an Auburn sweatshirt comes walking by and gives me a loud "War Eagle" when he sees my Bama hat. Now if you know anything about the rivalry you know what the proper response is...
"ROLL TIDE Mother Fucker!"
The man actually looked offended and then (and this is the best part) got in his truck and revved his engine and peeled off. But before he was gone I did see the shiny $30 tag on the front of his truck... With a big red "G" on it.
I don't know who to feel worse for.
Look its simple, you can be a fan of any team you want, you can dislike any team you want. All I ask is that you be prepared to be treated like the idiot you are if you start repping any team other than "yours". Especially, when that team is supposed to be one of your teams most bitter rivals (by the way UGA and Auburn fans, if you didn't know that yours is the oldest rivalry in the SEC hand over your card now).
While it won't kill me if Auburn goes on to win the National Championship this year you will not catch me yelling for them to do so. Yes, I take pride as a fan that the SEC dominates college football and an Auburn title would further THE conference's claim of dominance. I also wouldn't lose a wink's sleep if the plane carrying their team went all "We are Marshall" before the game either. Hopefully while lost and crashing head first into a plane full of "Volunteers".
Its simple, I am an Alabama fan. Win or lose, Crimson Tide through and through. I have childhood school pictures of me wearing Bama gear as far back as 33 years ago. I didn't decide to be a fan because its the thing to do now, its who I am.
ROLL TIDE...mother fuckers.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Once in a blue moon, (two songs in my head)
Once in a Blue Moon...
That seems to be how often I come back here to post (not one of the songs in my head), so not what I intended when I started this thing up but definitely what I predicated.
Tonight my head is full of thoughts and ideas and I really don't know where to start. I'll probably keep most of it locked away still until I can rationalize, process and regurgitate back up in a passably entertaining form.
Mainly, I just spent all day, with the exception of a half hour, alone. About an hour ago I realized that I haven't spoken out loud since 1pm. Now I am not talking just to see how long I can go. Its maddening, I forget how much I love the sound of my own voice and that of others as well.
Song Quote Interlude:
I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah.
Let me in,
Let me in to the club.
Cause I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong.
And if memory serves.
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.
End Song Quote Interlude.
I hate being alone, its like punishment to me. The problem is I only have a few people I really enjoy talking to. Most of them have their own lives now and I can't interrupt them all the time for a little inane chatter.
So many people I want to talk to, so many things to say.
Closing Song Quote:
There's things I remember and things I forgot
I miss you I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?
I need a phone call
That seems to be how often I come back here to post (not one of the songs in my head), so not what I intended when I started this thing up but definitely what I predicated.
Tonight my head is full of thoughts and ideas and I really don't know where to start. I'll probably keep most of it locked away still until I can rationalize, process and regurgitate back up in a passably entertaining form.
Mainly, I just spent all day, with the exception of a half hour, alone. About an hour ago I realized that I haven't spoken out loud since 1pm. Now I am not talking just to see how long I can go. Its maddening, I forget how much I love the sound of my own voice and that of others as well.
Song Quote Interlude:
I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah.
Let me in,
Let me in to the club.
Cause I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong.
And if memory serves.
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.
End Song Quote Interlude.
I hate being alone, its like punishment to me. The problem is I only have a few people I really enjoy talking to. Most of them have their own lives now and I can't interrupt them all the time for a little inane chatter.
So many people I want to talk to, so many things to say.
Closing Song Quote:
There's things I remember and things I forgot
I miss you I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?
I need a phone call
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Well its been a while
Lots of things have happened in the ...months?...since I last added my thoughts here.
Most importantly I have a Nephew! Mason Bryant Works was born on September the 14th 2010. That feeling when my brother called from the hospital to let me know that Mase was here and everyone was healthy was probably the happiest moment of my entire life.
Next, I don't have a Facebook anymore. This is because a good friend and fellow manager in retail hell got fired over his. Its a long story and even in telling it won't make sense, just except that I, Jeffrey Works will never be on Facebook as long as Nazi live and thrive in corporate HR in America.
If you liked me on FB though you should really look up my good friend Thaddeus Doomfire... just saying.
Most importantly I have a Nephew! Mason Bryant Works was born on September the 14th 2010. That feeling when my brother called from the hospital to let me know that Mase was here and everyone was healthy was probably the happiest moment of my entire life.
Next, I don't have a Facebook anymore. This is because a good friend and fellow manager in retail hell got fired over his. Its a long story and even in telling it won't make sense, just except that I, Jeffrey Works will never be on Facebook as long as Nazi live and thrive in corporate HR in America.
If you liked me on FB though you should really look up my good friend Thaddeus Doomfire... just saying.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Lent
What to give up? I have followed the idea of giving something up for Lent for the past five years now. I have been tough on myself and picked something that I truly enjoy but is also not necessarily healthy for me. In a way turning lent into a "do something good for my body, mind and spirit" somewhat inline with the ideal of Prayer, Fasting and Alms giving.
Honestly Prayer and Alms giving are easy for me. I give thanks, ask for strength and forgiveness and protection for my loved ones every morning. Plus this time of year the MDA campaign is in swing and I try to donate to it every year (made easier now that my employer has become a large corporate sponsor, thus allowing me to contribute right at work).
It is the Fasting part that allows gives me trouble though. This year I am at a loss as to what to "give up" and it is time to choose. I need a bit of help deciding.
Five years ago it was fast food, a healthy choice and one that was harder than I thought. Four years ago it was sex. Now that shouldn't sound so bad considering I lead a celibate lifestyle, but keep in mind I included masturbation...its was a LONG 40 days and nights. Three years ago I gave up Soda, Tea and any other drink besides juice and water. That was really not that bad I may have "cheated" that year and should have only had water because I killed some OJ. Two years ago it was candies and breads, sticking with the healthy theme I constantly caught myself wanting pizza and burgers and even breaded chicken and fish before I remembered not to eat them. last year I gave up WoW for lent. Going 40 days/nights without even logging in to run a daily quest was horrible for me and proved what a geek and gamer I really am.
This year I need to pick something and have no idea what. So far the best I have come up with is Facebook. It would be tough at first but is that really enough?
How about some ideas Guys? I am stuck.
Honestly Prayer and Alms giving are easy for me. I give thanks, ask for strength and forgiveness and protection for my loved ones every morning. Plus this time of year the MDA campaign is in swing and I try to donate to it every year (made easier now that my employer has become a large corporate sponsor, thus allowing me to contribute right at work).
It is the Fasting part that allows gives me trouble though. This year I am at a loss as to what to "give up" and it is time to choose. I need a bit of help deciding.
Five years ago it was fast food, a healthy choice and one that was harder than I thought. Four years ago it was sex. Now that shouldn't sound so bad considering I lead a celibate lifestyle, but keep in mind I included masturbation...its was a LONG 40 days and nights. Three years ago I gave up Soda, Tea and any other drink besides juice and water. That was really not that bad I may have "cheated" that year and should have only had water because I killed some OJ. Two years ago it was candies and breads, sticking with the healthy theme I constantly caught myself wanting pizza and burgers and even breaded chicken and fish before I remembered not to eat them. last year I gave up WoW for lent. Going 40 days/nights without even logging in to run a daily quest was horrible for me and proved what a geek and gamer I really am.
This year I need to pick something and have no idea what. So far the best I have come up with is Facebook. It would be tough at first but is that really enough?
How about some ideas Guys? I am stuck.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Book of Jeffrey
This is probably poorly written not well thought out and honestly probably dark enough that you won't want to read it. I urge you if you happen to be a child or someone who doesn't do will with dark subject matter not to read this. But this was in my heart tonight and I need to get it out. For those of you who do read it, I hope it reveals more about who I am and who I want to be more than it freaks you out. Please don't think ill of me for wanting to share this....
Atlanta, GA. 1996
"Dickhead."
Then there was nothing, utter blackness and heat.
As I slowly came back into focus I felt the sickening crunch of a stranger's jawbone on my balled left fist. Before anyone could speak or move, I saw the first trickle of blood oozing from the corner of that pompous man's twisted mouth. As I became aware again of myself I realized that I had gone into that place that scared me so much.
This was a grown man laying sprawled before a 12 year old kid with a gashed forehead and tears and fear in his eyes were moments before he held only rage at a little girl.
This was Weaver High's football field and that fat kid's busted face and terrified expression just after he blew his nose on the quite kid's gym shirt.
This was Northside High's ROTC classroom, the guys that is supposed to be my friend holding his head where 72 stitches are about to go.
This is Macon State, with a roomful of people staring at me as I lose my grip on the guy I just drug over a table while his friends pull him away from me.
This is that dark place inside me that I never want to go to again, yet here I am.
I am a monster, at the very least I am not human, no human could just fall away from themselves and hurt someone that quickly. But I do, over and over again, and what's most frightening is that I never see it coming.
Out of fear I snatched up my backpack and calmly walked out of that place and into inner-city streets of downtown Atlanta. I have no idea where to go, or what to do so I get directions to the Greyhound station, walk there and buy a ticket back to Macon. Then I call my friend Chris and tell him that I might be a little late getting to house house that night to get my car, and relate to him what I can remember of this most recent "Black" moment. Being a great friend and concerned soul, the kind I have been blessed far too many times with in my life, Chris offers to drive up and get me so I'll have someone to talk too. He tells me to take MARTA to the airport and wait for him there.
The two hours between hanging up the phone and Chris pulling up to get me in the front of the airport go by in a blur. My head is reeling, but all I can really relate is that I was playing a stupid card game and some guy that I didn't know called me a dickhead, I got pissed and hit him and then pimped out of the joint like I was Dolomite. Chris gets a huge laugh out of the tale, assures me that I am overreacting and that its really nothing to worry over. My legend amongst many of my friends has just become concrete and this story will be spun wildly and with great indulgence by people in my life for years to come.
I look back at that night and laugh when my friends spin the tale of something they were not witness to. The next night was the darkest night of my entire life and one I have never revisited or shared with anyone until now.
The next night I went to work at my craptastic job as a night-stocker at Kroger. The whole day though I had been troubled about the day beforehand's events and the rage that could overcome me so easily. I was scared of myself and the lack of control I had over that rage. As I approached the store off of the Gray highway I just kept driving, in about and hour and a half I could make it to Athens and I had friends there I could talk to.
Along the way my mind drifted away from myself and my own anxieties, to a troubled childhood friend. A beautiful young woman who had killed herself four years prior and her lost friendship and voice made me ache more than I ever had before. She had been so soft, sweet and beautiful and life was so cruel to her that she chose to leave it. I was a beast in waiting, mean and wrathful why should life suffer me so, but not her?
Before I even realized I had done it I pulled my beat up blue Chevy off the side of the road and had walked into a stand of trees. I was crying, sobbing deeper than I had ever sobbed in my life and even though I knew what was in my mind I was like a bystander watching this freight-train roll off the tracks.
I took my belt off and tied the end off on a tree branch after making a loop with the buckle. Then placed it around my neck and calmly raised my feet and allowed the belt to start to choke me. This was how I stopped the darkness, this is how I would never be afraid of anything again. I had foolishly cried for attention and had thought about dying before, but those times were never real. Those times were just what I said, cries for attention. I wanted someone to tell me they loved me, wanted to know that they needed me around... I wanted to know I was loved.
This time was different, this time I wanted nothing. This time I wanted to become nothing. I didn't care if anyone told me they loved me or needed me.
In that dark moment though Someone told me they loved me, louder than words.
My belt broke.
The rush of blood to my head or adrenaline to my heart crashed through me like a bolt of lightning. Visions of my Mother and Father, my Brother and Grandfather filled my mind in that moment. The thought of my beloved Grandmother whose loss had hurt me so much filled me with shame as I though of Her looking down at me then. I thought of all me friends past and present who truly would miss me and then I cried at the life I almost gave away without ever really living it.
I picked myself up off the ground, left the belt hanging there and drove back home and went to bed. When I awoke the next day I went to talk to my Dad. I offered him no details but simply told him what I had tried to do and asked him to help me. I needed to be something more than I was and I needed to find myself. For the first time that I remember in my adult life I saw the true tenderness of my Father's love, and was gifted with words of great wisdom and an idea that would shape me. I have spoke before of how incredible my Parents are this time in my life speaks volumes of my Dad.
Two weeks later I left Warner Robins and drove to Indianapolis to learn to drive over the road freight trucks and I spent more than the next year after that driving all over the country. I would take my "off days" in different cities and spend whole days exploring and sight-seeing. Sometimes I went to concerts, others I just took a cab into whatever downtown I was closest to and walked and ate dinner. There were nights I got a cab back to my truck and slept before heading out to the next job and nights that I got a hotel room and slept in a strange bed and wondered about the travelers who had slept there before me and what they had been looking for.
I set out that year to see my Country and find myself... somewhere along the way I did both.
I became the person I am that year and that dark night was the most spiritual night of my life. It was a turning point and a hard lesson learned. I learned a great many things about myself that night and in the times that came after. It was and is a very powerful story that I have never shared and that is something I regret and now seek to remedy with this rambling inane babbling blog.
Tonight I had another powerful and spiritual moment in my life, and it came from a very unlikely source. A movie called The Book of Eli.
I will not give the plot of the movie away to anyone here, I will only say that what I took away from the film was the story of a man strong in his Faith who Witnessed to the world not through words but in actions and in spirit. I saw the way others will try to twist Faith into something so much less and use its purity to create something vile. I saw that the Truth is not in any one book, building or systemic ritual but rather the Truth lives inside of us all and waits to be revealed to those who need it most. I found that when we find ourselves in loving others more than we do ourselves, that we truly find our Faith. I have found and defined my Faith and I do not know where this will lead me but I like the promise of the new day dawning.
In the time I have spent since the night at that tree until now I have shown love and gratitude for all the wonderful people and things in my life, and in my heart I have been grateful to the Person who spoke to me so loud with no words and only a broken belt, and I think tonight He reminded me that I don't need words but maybe its time to improve my actions. I shall redouble my efforts to spread my Faith and my love so I may continue to give Him thanks.
The Book of Jeffrey...to be continued
Atlanta, GA. 1996
"Dickhead."
Then there was nothing, utter blackness and heat.
As I slowly came back into focus I felt the sickening crunch of a stranger's jawbone on my balled left fist. Before anyone could speak or move, I saw the first trickle of blood oozing from the corner of that pompous man's twisted mouth. As I became aware again of myself I realized that I had gone into that place that scared me so much.
This was a grown man laying sprawled before a 12 year old kid with a gashed forehead and tears and fear in his eyes were moments before he held only rage at a little girl.
This was Weaver High's football field and that fat kid's busted face and terrified expression just after he blew his nose on the quite kid's gym shirt.
This was Northside High's ROTC classroom, the guys that is supposed to be my friend holding his head where 72 stitches are about to go.
This is Macon State, with a roomful of people staring at me as I lose my grip on the guy I just drug over a table while his friends pull him away from me.
This is that dark place inside me that I never want to go to again, yet here I am.
I am a monster, at the very least I am not human, no human could just fall away from themselves and hurt someone that quickly. But I do, over and over again, and what's most frightening is that I never see it coming.
Out of fear I snatched up my backpack and calmly walked out of that place and into inner-city streets of downtown Atlanta. I have no idea where to go, or what to do so I get directions to the Greyhound station, walk there and buy a ticket back to Macon. Then I call my friend Chris and tell him that I might be a little late getting to house house that night to get my car, and relate to him what I can remember of this most recent "Black" moment. Being a great friend and concerned soul, the kind I have been blessed far too many times with in my life, Chris offers to drive up and get me so I'll have someone to talk too. He tells me to take MARTA to the airport and wait for him there.
The two hours between hanging up the phone and Chris pulling up to get me in the front of the airport go by in a blur. My head is reeling, but all I can really relate is that I was playing a stupid card game and some guy that I didn't know called me a dickhead, I got pissed and hit him and then pimped out of the joint like I was Dolomite. Chris gets a huge laugh out of the tale, assures me that I am overreacting and that its really nothing to worry over. My legend amongst many of my friends has just become concrete and this story will be spun wildly and with great indulgence by people in my life for years to come.
I look back at that night and laugh when my friends spin the tale of something they were not witness to. The next night was the darkest night of my entire life and one I have never revisited or shared with anyone until now.
The next night I went to work at my craptastic job as a night-stocker at Kroger. The whole day though I had been troubled about the day beforehand's events and the rage that could overcome me so easily. I was scared of myself and the lack of control I had over that rage. As I approached the store off of the Gray highway I just kept driving, in about and hour and a half I could make it to Athens and I had friends there I could talk to.
Along the way my mind drifted away from myself and my own anxieties, to a troubled childhood friend. A beautiful young woman who had killed herself four years prior and her lost friendship and voice made me ache more than I ever had before. She had been so soft, sweet and beautiful and life was so cruel to her that she chose to leave it. I was a beast in waiting, mean and wrathful why should life suffer me so, but not her?
Before I even realized I had done it I pulled my beat up blue Chevy off the side of the road and had walked into a stand of trees. I was crying, sobbing deeper than I had ever sobbed in my life and even though I knew what was in my mind I was like a bystander watching this freight-train roll off the tracks.
I took my belt off and tied the end off on a tree branch after making a loop with the buckle. Then placed it around my neck and calmly raised my feet and allowed the belt to start to choke me. This was how I stopped the darkness, this is how I would never be afraid of anything again. I had foolishly cried for attention and had thought about dying before, but those times were never real. Those times were just what I said, cries for attention. I wanted someone to tell me they loved me, wanted to know that they needed me around... I wanted to know I was loved.
This time was different, this time I wanted nothing. This time I wanted to become nothing. I didn't care if anyone told me they loved me or needed me.
In that dark moment though Someone told me they loved me, louder than words.
My belt broke.
The rush of blood to my head or adrenaline to my heart crashed through me like a bolt of lightning. Visions of my Mother and Father, my Brother and Grandfather filled my mind in that moment. The thought of my beloved Grandmother whose loss had hurt me so much filled me with shame as I though of Her looking down at me then. I thought of all me friends past and present who truly would miss me and then I cried at the life I almost gave away without ever really living it.
I picked myself up off the ground, left the belt hanging there and drove back home and went to bed. When I awoke the next day I went to talk to my Dad. I offered him no details but simply told him what I had tried to do and asked him to help me. I needed to be something more than I was and I needed to find myself. For the first time that I remember in my adult life I saw the true tenderness of my Father's love, and was gifted with words of great wisdom and an idea that would shape me. I have spoke before of how incredible my Parents are this time in my life speaks volumes of my Dad.
Two weeks later I left Warner Robins and drove to Indianapolis to learn to drive over the road freight trucks and I spent more than the next year after that driving all over the country. I would take my "off days" in different cities and spend whole days exploring and sight-seeing. Sometimes I went to concerts, others I just took a cab into whatever downtown I was closest to and walked and ate dinner. There were nights I got a cab back to my truck and slept before heading out to the next job and nights that I got a hotel room and slept in a strange bed and wondered about the travelers who had slept there before me and what they had been looking for.
I set out that year to see my Country and find myself... somewhere along the way I did both.
I became the person I am that year and that dark night was the most spiritual night of my life. It was a turning point and a hard lesson learned. I learned a great many things about myself that night and in the times that came after. It was and is a very powerful story that I have never shared and that is something I regret and now seek to remedy with this rambling inane babbling blog.
Tonight I had another powerful and spiritual moment in my life, and it came from a very unlikely source. A movie called The Book of Eli.
I will not give the plot of the movie away to anyone here, I will only say that what I took away from the film was the story of a man strong in his Faith who Witnessed to the world not through words but in actions and in spirit. I saw the way others will try to twist Faith into something so much less and use its purity to create something vile. I saw that the Truth is not in any one book, building or systemic ritual but rather the Truth lives inside of us all and waits to be revealed to those who need it most. I found that when we find ourselves in loving others more than we do ourselves, that we truly find our Faith. I have found and defined my Faith and I do not know where this will lead me but I like the promise of the new day dawning.
In the time I have spent since the night at that tree until now I have shown love and gratitude for all the wonderful people and things in my life, and in my heart I have been grateful to the Person who spoke to me so loud with no words and only a broken belt, and I think tonight He reminded me that I don't need words but maybe its time to improve my actions. I shall redouble my efforts to spread my Faith and my love so I may continue to give Him thanks.
The Book of Jeffrey...to be continued
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