I just wanted to repost this story from my Facebook notes, I really love this story (now that i am far removed from it) and wanted it to be up and easier to share with the world...
For the love of a waffle
For the love of a waffle
Ok, before I start this little mini rant, let me say I know I could improve the way I do things a little better and yes I know I should have a backup plan for circumstances such as this.I don't keep checks, they are archaic and lets be honest here little pieces of paper with all your personnel information on them just laying around for someone to find do not seem like something a responsible person would have in this modern age of internet banking, PINs and debit cards that even vending machines accept now. Cash? pfft who carries cash anymore? I guess people who know that shit does in fact happen.
That said I am ill and need to vent.
Friday night I left work and went to the grocery store to buy my weekly groceries, its how I live. Every Friday I go to the store and buy food and necessities for the weekend and upcoming week. I do not keep a whole lot of extra stuff in the apartment because, as a single man, extra foods tend to spoil before I get to them. So after shopping for about 45 minutes I had my cart full of groceries and when I went to pay for them with my Bank of America, Visa Debit card I got and unauthorized transaction message..."probably just a glitch let's try again"..."Unauthorized again, maybe as credit?"..."Unauthorized still, I am sorry sir" the politely pierced semi attractive college checkout girl said in a somewhat mocking tone. I walked out of the store feeling more than a little embarrassed and made a show of pulling out the sidekick and calling the number on the back of my card as I went to illustrate that this situation was obviously a mistake that a phone call will clear up quickly.
It wasn't.
Bank of America's computer thanked me for my call, assured me I was important to them and then told me the call center was closed until 9am the next morning. That night I had the last of the frozen dinners I had bought the week before and was forced to drink tap water.
I wake up before work call BoA to get this whole card mess straightened out before I head into Saturday morning work and after 15 minutes of BoA's computer telling me how important I am I get to talk to a real live person, Jeremy. Jeremy asks who I am, what my "secret pass phrase" is, how many accounts I have, mother's maiden name, state account in question was opened in, my home address, phone number and finally "How can WE help you today?" I wanted to ask Jeremy why the polite computer didn't share all the answers to his questions with him, I had to answer those questions just to be put on hold to answer them again, but I was worried Jeremy might need to put me back on hold to find that answer and I did have to be at work in an hour.
I explained the night before's problems with buying my groceries, the embarrassment and the fact that BoA said I had plenty of money just waiting for me both online and through their super polite computer. Being an obviously savvy financial guru, Jeremy pulled up my information and determined..."Uh, well, ahh it looks like your card has been blocked."
Great Zeus! I am so glad I called this guy, I had no idea.
Hopeful not to insult Jeremy's keen powers of assistance, I dared to ask why my card had been blocked. I mean, I didn't call and ask it to be blocked, so not being a CPA or Banker I didn't really understand the ends and outs here. "Ummm, well, it looks like, umm, I think that 'THE SYSTEM' blocked you card, ahh well kinda by mistake"
THE SYSTEM and "by mistake" concern me a bit. I know these terms as a layman, but surely they have much more far reaching and adverse definitions in the world of banking.
I dare again to ask Jeremy if it is at all possible that he have my card unblocked. "Umm, well can you hold a minute please?" Jeremy asks, but obviously he knows the answer is yes because before I can reply I hear the polite computer's voice telling me all about some new programs and offers that BoA has setup for me their "valued customer".
Nice of the computer to keep me company while I wait on the mastermind of Wall Street to come back. The conversation is limited though, I mean I am sure that the "Keep the Change" program is awesome and I am glad that someone will be right with me because my call is important to them but, it seems to be the only thing the nice computer can say for the entire 10 minutes Jeremy is gone solving my issue.
"Umm, Sir?" I hear Jeremy ask, as if I would have abandoned this call after only a half an hour. "Yes Jeremy i am still here" I reply.
"I can't unblock your card, but I did get you a new card sent out overnight. You should get it in the mail, umm tomorrow. Ahhh, well umm, I guess really it'd be like Monday because umm today is Saturday and the mail doesn't, umm work on Sunday."
After asking Jeremy if there were no better options, he did come up with "You could just go to the nearest branch and make a withdrawal, umm I guess."
OMG! Why hadn't I thought of this...Oh, because I have just moved to Troy and the closest branch is either one hour and forty-five minutes away in DeFuniak Springs Florida or two hours away in Columbus Georgia, and I now have 15 minutes to get to work.
"Oh, that sucks. Umm is there anything else I can do for you today sir?"
"that sucks"??? I began to doubt Jeremy was the mental giant I had him pegged for, I lost my patience and hung up the call and left for work. That day I got by on some bottled water we were giving away as a gift for people who bought MDA shamrocks and some of those lemon girl scout cookies someone had left in the breakroom. At home I steamed a cup of rice for dinner and had more tap water. Troy was beginning to feel like Hell.
Sunday it snowed in Troy.
I went to work, had another bottled water and about 20 peppermints I found stashed in the Admin office. That night I steamed more rice, found a single serve can of Lima Beans and a bag of microwave popcorn and more tap water.
Monday, I was off work and waited the arrival of the mail with baited breath, I practically pounced on the mailman as she approached the apartment complex boxes. I offered to marry her if she could just find it in her heart to find my mail for me first, I explained the card situation and she explained that the mail was divided into the stacks and arranged to go into the boxes in order and she could not get my mail for me.
Now I remembered why I was divorced.
Alas, when she finally got to my box, she handed me my mail and there was no card in there. Dejected, I walked back to my apartment steamed more rice and drank more tap water. I called BoA again, but after 20 minutes of company with the friendly computer I just gave up and figured that I would just get my card tomorrow and I could occupy my self by just playing a little World of Warcraft.
"Account Blocked, invalid card information on file"
Oh well, I will just stream a movie on Netflix.
"Account Blocked, invalid card information on file"
I watched some of my old DVDs and played Freecell, last night I ate the last of my rice and drank an obscene amount of tap water. I purposely stayed up late so I could sleep until after the mail ran and then I was gonna treat myself to a huge breakfast at the local Waffle House.
Tuesday morning, 11am, I walk down and check the mail. In my box was a single plain white envelope. My God, my heart felt like it actually skipped a beat, I could taste the syrupy waffle goodness and my first soda in 4 days already.
The envelope was my car insurance bill from State Farm. Tears actually ran down my face at this point.
Angry beyond reason, I stormed back to my apartment, got on the phone and spent 20 minutes cussing at the friendly computer until Melinda picks up the line. I am pretty sure the first words she hears from me are "... damn douchebag fucks" Nonplussed, Melinda introduces herself and asks me my name, what my "secret pass phrase" is, how many accounts I have, mother's maiden name, state account in question was opened in, my home address, phone number and finally "How can I help you today?"
"Melinda, the first thing you need to know is I am extremely angry, so putting me on hold for anything longer than a fart is going to make me explode." I state as an opening to show just how serious I am. I explain that Jeremy promised me a card yesterday, and I didn't get it, that I was understanding that things happen so I waited and it still didn't come today. I told her I was very upset and "wanted a waffle so bad I was thinking of putting my spleen on eBay (only I can't because my account is blocked,because of invalid card information on file) just for the cash to get one."
To her credit Melinda stayed calm through my tirade and without ever putting me on hold determined that my new card had in fact not been sent out until Monday and not through the US mail but via Fed Ex overnight and I should receive it today. Melinda even had a tracking number if I would like to write it down. I did, and then apologized if I had seemed rude. Melinda assured me it was alright and that she was sure it was a very stressful situation I was dealing with and that she understood my being "perturbed". I thanked her again for her help and told her there wasn't anything else I needed assistance with at this time.
I went to my computer, logged into fedex.com and entered my tracking number...
Mar 2, 2009 9:07 AM /Shipment information sent to FedEx
Mar 2, 2009 8:50 PM COLUMBUS, GA/Picked up
Mar 2, 2009 10:42 PM COLUMBUS, GA/Left FedEx origin facility
Mar 3, 2009 12:16 AM ATLANTA, GA/Shipment exception
Mar 3, 2009 1:08 AM MEMPHIS, TN/Arrived at FedEx location
Mar 3, 2009 4:25 AM MEMPHIS, TN/Departed FedEx location
Mar 3, 2009 5:03 AM BIRMINGHAM, AL/At dest sort facility
Mar 3, 2009 7:40 AM MONTGOMERY, AL/At local FedEx facility
Mar 3, 2009 8:16 AM MONTGOMERY, AL/On FedEx vehicle for delivery
MY CARD WAS SHIPPED FROM 2 HOURS AWAY IN COLUMBUS GEORGIA YESTERDAY AND WENT TO ATLANTA GA. THEN MEMPHIS TENNESSEE THEN TO BIRMINGHAM ALABAMA TO GO TO MONTGOMERY ALABAMA TO BE PUT ON A TRUCK TO COME TO TROY!!!!!!
In about 23 hours my card left from about 100 miles away on a 1300 mile airplane ride to end up about 45 miles away and be put on a truck and as of 1:00pm still has gotten to me.
My Father often uses the expression "going around your ass to get to your elbow" now I know what that means.
And all I really want is a waffle.
/end rant
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